Holiday traffic has been insane, and holiday road rage is in full effect. Why have running errands never been slowed to a jog? I get it: we walk dogs, but are we running errands, or the errands running us? I’m dog-gone tired. I am one panic attack away from Ubering the rest of my Christmas spree.
My tips on errand etiquette:
1.) If you must honk, tap once. Lightly. There’s nothing more annoying than missing the turn arrow because the person in front of you is glued to their iPhone screen – Fair-play for a honk; not a 10 second BLOW HORN. Take note of the older lady walking her chihuahua, who both appear to spontaneously have a heart attack. It’s not nice. I wrote down the offender’s license plate but realized there’s not a 1-800 number for rude drivers.
2.) Never scream at the valet. Longer lines are expected with all the jolly dinner celebrations. Isn’t it ridiculous to embarrass the poor kid that’s going to end up parking your car somewhere less than favorable? Or conveniently misplace your keys when you’re actually ready to leave? It’s actually moronically ironic acting entitled in a valet line: park your car AND attitude elsewhere.
3.) Don’t ride the buggy’s bumper. The Christmas lights twinkle like swarvorski crystals dangling from the Highland Park mega mansions. These aren’t your run of the mill strands of lights from Home Depot wrapped around tree trunks and sprinkled on bushes. It’s magnificent Chihuly style light art, and these luxury lighting companies are making BANK only 2 months out of the year. (he probably was the guy in the valet line). Anyhow, horse carriage rentals make it all the more enjoyable to cuddle up with family, friends, and hot toddy of choice. But after seeing the maniacs impatiently swerving in and out of the holiday traffic, I was equally worried for the passengers and horses. Those poor horses.
4.) Trade your SUV for husbands sedan. Or vice versa. For some reason, in the land of gas guzzling, over sized suburbans (I own one), every strip mall is filled with compact car size parking spaces. Inwood Village is the worse, and I’m curious if shops enjoy watching customers yell at each other about door dings. Even worse, don’t be the schmuck that takes up 2 car spaces. Again, probably the same impatient guy in the valet line.
5.) Return your grocery cart. I admit, I’ve been guilty of this before. Especially when I have to park way far away from the cart return due to the holiday traffic. But how much time does it really take the roll it back where it belongs? And let’s face it, leaving it sitting in the lot usually blocks another rare open parking space and forces the grocery baggers to leave their post and chase carts down all day. Don’t be lazy.
6.) Leave a treat. I bought a dozen cupcakes the other day and left a couple at each regular errand place I visit frequently: The dry cleaners, dog groomers, manicurist, and doctor’s receptionist were over the moon when I presented them with the baked goodie. A simple gesture goes a long way. (I also got an extra long foot rub.)
7.) Take a break. Make a lunch date with yourself. Pick a quaint cafe to stop for coffee and lunch. Live a little, and order some vino. Treat yourself to some me time and leave the phone in the vehicle. That’s right, walk in and plop yourself down at a table with no distraction. Not even a book. (You don’t have time to lounge, your being productive, remember?). Be one with your food. Gobble gobble.